Sign next to FSBO: We shoot every third agent and the 2nd one just left.

By the time you pay off a house in the suburbs, it isn't.

A client bought a new home and the broker wanted to send flowers for the occasion.

They arrived at the home and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace".

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said. "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new home".

The best part of a real estate bargain is the neighbor.

The trouble with owning a home is that no matter where you sit, you're looking at something you should be doing.

I listed a maintenance free house. In the last 25 years there hasn't been any maintenance.

If you want to know exactly where the property line is, just watch the neighbor cut the grass.

This country is great. It's the only place where you can borrow money for a down payment, get a 1st and 2nd mortgage and call yourself a homeowner.

The dream of the older generation was to pay off a mortgage. The dream of today's young families is to get one.

If you think no one cares you're alive, miss a couple of house payments.